In our world, there are a lot of relationship myths. These are misguided (though perhaps well-intentioned) ideas about love and relationships that our society has grown to accept as truth, spouting them to the next generations as given facts of romantic wisdom. The cycle of these love lies continues on and on, reflected in popular culture and the media.
Every couple experiences some level of disagreement, disconnection, or disappointment at one time or another. Inaccurate assumptions about long-term relationships prevent couples from seeking help with communication and connection.
If you are wondering whether you are alone in having difficulties in your relationship, look no further than a quick open-ended Google search. Let’s debunk a few of the most common myths now.
I’m here to tell you that many of the ideas about relationships out there is absolute crap.
Happy couples don’t fight: The happiest couples aren’t the ones who don’t fight. The happiest couples are the ones that know how to fight. Conflict is inevitable, and effective conflict requires both partners to know how to self-soothe, listen with curiosity and compassion, inquire with care, convey respect, and self-reflect.
Couples therapy can help you identify what aspects of your conflict are effective and what you and your partner may need to change about how you cope under stress so that your love and connection can override the stressor of conflict.
Relationships are either good, or they’re hard: Actually, if it’s not hard sometimes, then it’s probably not good. The best things in life are those we fight for. But a couples counselor can help you determine if your relationship is harder than it “should” be.
You need to always feel “A SPARK”: This is a tough one. We all want to feel love and feel loved. But love and excitement are different things. Love, as it grows, deepens and expands. While the early days of a relationship might involve more fluttery hearts and breathless anticipation, those heartbeats eventually slow down, and you catch your breath once more. The love deepens, but it doesn’t go away.
The key is recognizing the difference. Many people panic when they stop feeling that “spark,” not sensing that it has been replaced by a more profound and lasting version of love and affection. You can reignite that spark over and over but there’s no doubt that love changes and grows with us. We must embrace these changes if we want to experience the depth of a long-lasting relationship.
If we continually search for emotional excitement and novelty, we’ll never get to go the distance with someone, and I believe we’re likely to miss out on the best parts of a romantic partnership.
Only Weak Couples Go: Ask any couple who’s been to therapy and they’ll tell you it’s not easy or for the faint of heart. It takes hard work to open up, face problems, and put work into a relationship. Think of your therapist as your relationship coach, someone to guide you through the game and help you execute plays. The same people that think therapy is for the weak are the same people that think that sunscreen isn’t necessary. In both cases, they’ll be the ones ending up burned.
